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Archive for the ‘Lies’ Category

Ronnie Ray and his loyal dog Bgawk run the 2.62 mile Pawnee City Marathon. 

In celebration of the London Olympic Games The Pawnee City Marathon Organizing Committee staged the First Annual Pawnee City Marathon. The 2.62 mile event route was from one city limit to the other and was planned in such a way as to not disrupt community traffic.

(c) Photo courtesy of the Pawnee City Marathon Organizing Committee showing Ronnie Ray taking a break at the mid-point of the race.

The only participants in this prestigious activity were Ronnie Ray and his loyal, but somewhat dim dog, Bgawk.  Both Ronnie Ray and Bgawk lined up at the starting line and when the 7:00 am Fire Siren blared they began the grueling race.

Ronnie Ray followed the route as planned but Bgawk ran willy-nilly throughout the town scaring old ladies and tearing up gardens before arriving at the finish line well ahead of Ronnie Ray. During the race Bgawk ran through Niders and knocked down shelves and otherwise disrupted the normal activities of the “city.”

The organizing committee was not sure if they were allowed to give the First Place Wood “Medal” to Bgawk so they gave it to Ronnie Ray to use as he sees fit.

There was a picnic planned after the conclusion of the race but nobody came because Bgawk was so excited about winning that he continued his rant through the “city” and everybody in town stayed inside with their doors locked.

Once again the volunteer fire department was deployed to catch the dog, but with no luck. Ronnie Ray waited until dark and found Bgawk near the old city dump and took him home after a triumphant day.

Ronnie Ray and his loyal dog Bgawk.

Just a side note: the barn with the nuclear symbol on it is where Ronnie Ray parks his truck that was used for many years for hauling waste material from the uranium mine fields. That barn is where Bgawk was born. Bgawk is of a rare breed known as a Speckled Redneck.

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Ronnie Ray’s Dog “Bgawk”

Ronnie Ray just got a new pet dog (not sure of the breed – probably a speckled redneck). He said that it eats a lot but has not started eating meat yet. Hopefuly soon. His name is Bgawk.

Also, he says that it has a peculiar bark, but the neighbors are impressed, particularly when the sun comes up in the morning.

He has not seen it lift its leg to pee yet but he is sure it will soon.

Bgawk likes to ride in the Hudson but Ronnie has to leave him home because the messes he leaves on the seat is too hard to clean up.  He does OK in the back of the pickup though (Ronnie can just hose it out).

Ronnie likes to take Bgawk into town but people keep their distance because Bgawk has a nasty bite. The people at Neiders will not let Bgawk in the store so he has to be tied up outside. There usually are not too many people in the store when Bgawk shows up so Ronnie can get his shopping done quick.

Bgawk is a great watch dog as long as he stays in Ronnie’s yard. One day Bgawk got loose and ran all over town. The volunteer fire department was assembled with the siren and they tried to lasso Bgawk but he would not have any part of that. When they got close to him he barked (very odd sound, more like a howl) and tried to bite them and chased them off. So they just let Bgawk run wild until he got tired and Ronnie was able to get him into his pickup and take him home.

I am sure there will be some future tales about Ronnie and Bgawk.

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Submitted by Michael Eliott Leander John Bacon:

It may not be wise, even at this date, to admit to crimes which we committed.  There is a pity in that, but…there is one legend to which people still living can attest or say is bunk:

The High School in Pawnee City was credited for years as being academically of very high quality.  Credit was given to its Superintendent, Wesley R. Bratt.  Equally important was the music program of Arthur Schrepl.  These two were contemporaries and worked at the school over the same decades.

One graduating class, the which I do not know, after graduation ceremonies, grabbed Mr. Bratt and held him out of the second floor window by his feet.I never believed this story.  I can’t imagine it. 

Mr. Bratt exuded an awesome aura.  When he entered a boisterous study hall or classroom, it went quiet.  His presence was sufficient.  He was also willing to help and individual student with studies, math especially. He was respected at a level rare at that time and this.

Mrs. Bratt taught English.  She was equally highly respected. I never had her, and in retrospect wish I had.  I needed a corrective to my lifelong commitment to silliness.

Others have honored the Bratts.  In fact I think there is a foundation established in the name of Mr. Bratt.  Barry Kennedy may have had a part in that.Even in our bedimmed state, we knew we had something special in teachers such as these. 

Allia Gauli in partes tes divisa est.  Would someone fix that? (huh?)

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